grow up

what if i cut my hair
and smiled a little less
took myself more seriously
tried to look my best

i dont like being called up
saying i look like a clown
i’m trying to do my job
but i just get tossed around

could i speak more monotone
truly be able not to care
stop being agreeable
just give everyone a blank stare

i don’t want to press restart
worked too hard to quit now
so at the end of it all
i’ll just burnup and fade away

to change your perception of me
see someone you don’t recognize
would you still be able to love me
when you look me in the eyes


could you catch me today
in your folded arms
with your stone stare
to guide me

if i break
my brittle bones
could you wrap me up
heal me again

i haven’t the time
to repay you
your honest heart
my deepest gratitude

i’ll rest my head
wait to come too
see if you smile
or decide to run through

remember when
if you wanted to
the sacrifices made
to benefit you

but it doesn’t matter
not to me
or whatever used to be
between us


are you still delivering fear
to the front doors of the unbeknownst
who will wake in the sun break
to open their tired eyes
to see their frightened souls
escape from their aching bodies

are your numbers up from last year
have you hit double digits now
do you count those that are close
both in proximity and relation
even the youth are at risk
to being exposed to your toxin

are your payments being made
to keep the lights on at home
where you sit in solitude
staring out the window
wishes the rain would stop

are you going to give up
maybe take up a new profession
that won’t demoralize your soul
but finally grant you admiration
to undo the hurt you’ve cast on us
and finally accept redemption

hold out

i’ve got you down now
back in my old town
there was a saying
that rings true to this day
the farther you are
the harder it is to stay away

but the truth is
i’ve never left here
nights have come and gone
yet all that will remain
is the soul i hold on to
that won’t let me escape

maybe when the sun sets again
i can finally devise a way
to get out of my house
look over the town i’ll betray
under the cover of darkness
wonder if i’ll be missed, regardless

will that day ever come
will the sun ever stop
look forward to something
as it pushes you away
making it easier
to give up and stay


on you and me
our old capacity
for love and hatred
in this society

we used to sit together
on the same old boards
listening to the same old
complaints of consideration

long before my ears bled
from day old lies reread
to the disregarded degenerates
in their horrendous homes

now i’m trying to stick up
for what it is i believe in
whatever it is that i believe in
to get me through the rest of today

not like i had a choice
to keep you here with me
but i’ve heard good things
about your new congregants

at least they seem to be
what they present themselves as
when you wave and say,