if all that we shared, were the same colour of eyes and the desire to stand out –
why did we spend so much time arguing over who deserved to succeed?
countless nights where we threw our anger and desires against drywall and kitchen sinks.
the hope we had for each other would be our most unkind defeat.
the languages we spoke, was it really such a stretch we never understood one another –
losing our pride and meaning in translations of middlemen who wanted to see us fall.
for every small cut above we took to show just how much we truly cared.
down to the deepest secrets we told and vowed to hold close to our hearts.
the tell-tale sign when you left the car running –
your belongings in a box outside the side door.
curled up on the kitchen floor.
wishing the mistakes you made,
could be undone.
they found her lifeless
body, soaking in the river along
with her books.
she kept her head
down, but her mind was always
racing with fear.
always holding on to
yesterday, never letting go of
her broken past.
you could feel her
presence, even when she was
hiding behind tales.
i wonder about her
soul, if she ever found
peace beyond existence.
or unravelled the mystery of life, her books becoming unbound.
i can feel your scars under the sheets.
they expel warmth, but keep their origins deep inside.
if i caress your skin too close, will it spill blood and truths untold?
would it hurt the fabric of your soul, if i unravelled all your covered tales?
i fear they would entrap me and feed off the sorrow of my sins.
growing in strength, sadness and the marvels of my pain.
as it rips and tears me apart, and you idly sit by wondering why.
my own self destructive insecurities will hold me to a path, letting go the troubles of my past.
if there’s a light inside me, will it succumb?
do i have a chance to redeem my soul, from my damning curiosity?
i hope that sooner than later, i’ll be free from its grips of serenity.
unless you can recall the creature and keep it inside away from my prying hands.
i never did it to cause you pain, but if i told you – would it really change anything?
we slept in your living room,
the night lights from outside kept us awake.
the smell of your toxic perfume
broke into my head, this was a mistake.
yet that’s how i first loved.
my heart was beating hard,
love like this shakes inside.
then i cut my vein,
blood-shot extruding love.
but what do i deserve.
when i go away,
it wont be from fear.
call it an escape from myself.
i’ll tell you the secrets of the times i got away.
i’m sure you’ve heard it all before.
do you have the time today?
though i doubt that you truly care anymore…