allie pt.2

read pt. 1

“you look the same,” she said letting off a quirky smile before reaching for my hand. the small of her palms showing from her oversized coat.

“you look and smell like a strawberry.” i let off a toothy grin as i clasped my hand around hers.

“well you always said i was sweet, so i figured i would play the part.” she came close to my side.

her hand was cold coming out of the apartment, i wondered if her mom had heat. she deserved better, but never had a qualm about living there. in the summer she slept over at my apartment for a solid week. her father lived in the same town as me and they disagreed about the direction her life was going. so she decided it best to escape to me as things cooled down. i didn’t mind her company, however, i knew it would never be permanent.

“where are we heading tonight?” she said looking up to me, her head barley popping out of her coat. “i’m hungry and i want to be entertained,” she mocked in a fancy dialect letting out a petite laugh.

“i figured we could go to that bar off main, they were advertising a live band tonight in the paper.”

“excellent! onward!” she began to pick up speed as we sloshed through the messy city sidewalks.

as we continued down the road, the occasional vehicle would pass by and she would motion to push me onto their coming path before yanking my hand back, getting closer to me each time. i laughed and kissed the top of her forehead. she smiled and rested her head against my arm.

“i should have stayed,” she said.

“at home tonight? why?”

“no, no. at your place. in the summer,” she explained, “we could have stopped time and spent it in the sun and never had to deal with this cold abysmal weather. even the cool breezes during the night were warmer.”

“if only that’s how it worked,” i said with a smile, clutching her hand tighter.

“you did miss me, didn’t you?” she said her lower lip curving and her eyes staring deep into mine.

“of course, why wouldn’t i?”

“just the way things ended, i didn’t mean to offend you -”

“not at all. it’s water under the bridge. i’m here now. that’s all that matters,” i explained.

we fell silent for a small stretch, her hand still clasping mine and her head still against my arm. i began to think of her and the summer. in reality i blamed myself for what transpired. while staying with me for that week she found out her mother had come back into the state and offered to accommodate her. i asked her to stay with me and we could figure out our lives together. but the chance to start fresh somewhere new, away from her father, was too appealing. she packed up within the hour of her mother’s phone call and was gone before the sun went down. my words fell deaf upon her ears. she called me two weeks later to make amends. i’d been in constant contact with her since. hoping i could get her to change her mind.

as we approached main, the street lights shone down upon the snow, reflecting upon the tall commercial buildings and closed storefronts. we saw no other pedestrians as we turned onto the street. the occasional taxi cab flew by, but the sidewalks remained barren.

“i’m glad you came, i’ve been excited to see you again. my mother was surprised you didn’t bail. i told her you weren’t the type of soul to do such a thing. i was right.” she let off a told you so grin to me and kicked off the slush from her shoes. the shoveled sidewalks along main only bearing a small dusting of the falling snow.

“i’m glad you know me so well.”

as we came closer to the bar, the smog in the sky began to shift revealing a crescent moon.

“it’s beautiful,” she said, “it’s so rare to see the sky in this city.” the moon beams shining down on her as she spoke. “how fortunate of us to encounter it.” she let out a smile as she turned to me.

i took her by her sides and kissed her, as the beams began to hide once more, behind the smog.

west coast

i almost felt guilty
for judging you
when you skipped town
went out west
to forget your problems
cutting all ties
to your old life
making new friends
inheriting new places
to call your own
to erase the ones
you didn’t feel
belonged before

you ran away from family
said no goodbyes to old flames
left no trace of your existence
as the sun set
you left it all behind
through northern towns
the prairies
the rocky mountains
you came to the end
of the country
to redefine
who you are
what you want to be

i know you don’t think about me
when the wind skims your hair
the waves hit your feet
the rain kisses your face
and the moon shines above you
as you walk home at night
it’s probably for the better
to remain forgotten
in your past
for your clean future
to remain intact
as the town you left behind
moves on just the same
with you as a distant memory
far off, away

in between

do i need to find it?
who i am.
is that a real thing anymore.

did my happiness depend on you?
yes, it’s why i’m broken now.
my foolish dependence.

was i holding myself back?
being content with mediocrity.
forgoing self-improvement.

moving on, waning off of you.
those feelings hooked onto my skin and soul.
my hands still tremble.
rendered useless by failing emotions.
concerning myself with your well-being.
thinking of you when i should be more concerned with myself.
the blame is on me for the downfall.
but it’s easier to put it on you.
but unfair and unjust.
i hate the feeling of being the cause.
i never looked at the moon and wondered, will it end?
i was confident and ignorant in my bliss.

but i’m slowly coming back to myself.
my creativity pumps in my blood.
rewarded quickly for changes.
it will motivate me – gradually.
i have faith in myself.
i’m not cured and i still pine for you.
but less now, infrequent.
distracted by others and acts.
it flows through me now.
this new wind.
my nature has always been to reminisce.
foreign to look ahead.
do it for myself.
rely on myself.
i’ll be whole again.

i’ll finally be me.

encounter

i saw her walking out of my local coffee shop and i couldn’t waste this chance meeting┬áto talk to her. i walked across the street and moved in front of her. she stopped full tilt and took a step back.

“uh..”

“hi. how are you?” i said smiling ear to ear.

her lips squished and her eyebrows raised, “do i know you?” her eyes glancing over me.

“well sort of,” i let out slowly, “you know of me. you actually played me in a short film you made in college.”

a puzzled expression fell over her and she spoke sternly,”right, okay – well i have to go. thanks.” she began walking down the street.

“another time then? i’m around here quite a bit!” i shouted out to her.

she took her phone out of her pocket, dialled and raised it to her head and began talking while walking away, glancing back at me twice before turning onto another side street.

a woman with a small child, who i’m quite sure had witnessed the entire encounter, gave me a queer look and walked by quickly.

“she totally knows me!” i shouted reassuringly to them.

how odd.

 

love sync

i haven’t seen you in weeks
so i decided to walk the streets
to get you off my mind
only for me to find

these

synchronized lovers in the snow
everywhere i go
synchronized lovers in the snow
where do i go

no matter where i look
at the park, near the brook
spread around town
it just puts me down,

seeing the

synchronized lovers in the snow
everywhere i go
synchronized lovers in the snow
where do i go

as i tread back to my home
softly crying alone
i just raise my eyes to see
no one hears my plea

to stop these

synchronized lovers in the snow
everywhere i go
synchronized lovers in the snow
where do i go

synchronized lovers in the snow
everywhere i go
synchronized lovers in the snow
where do i go
far away
far away
from the winter here