west coast

i almost felt guilty
for judging you
when you skipped town
went out west
to forget your problems
cutting all ties
to your old life
making new friends
inheriting new places
to call your own
to erase the ones
you didn’t feel
belonged before

you ran away from family
said no goodbyes to old flames
left no trace of your existence
as the sun set
you left it all behind
through northern towns
the prairies
the rocky mountains
you came to the end
of the country
to redefine
who you are
what you want to be

i know you don’t think about me
when the wind skims your hair
the waves hit your feet
the rain kisses your face
and the moon shines above you
as you walk home at night
it’s probably for the better
to remain forgotten
in your past
for your clean future
to remain intact
as the town you left behind
moves on just the same
with you as a distant memory
far off, away

in between

do i need to find it?
who i am.
is that a real thing anymore.

did my happiness depend on you?
yes, it’s why i’m broken now.
my foolish dependence.

was i holding myself back?
being content with mediocrity.
forgoing self-improvement.

moving on, waning off of you.
those feelings hooked onto my skin and soul.
my hands still tremble.
rendered useless by failing emotions.
concerning myself with your well-being.
thinking of you when i should be more concerned with myself.
the blame is on me for the downfall.
but it’s easier to put it on you.
but unfair and unjust.
i hate the feeling of being the cause.
i never looked at the moon and wondered, will it end?
i was confident and ignorant in my bliss.

but i’m slowly coming back to myself.
my creativity pumps in my blood.
rewarded quickly for changes.
it will motivate me – gradually.
i have faith in myself.
i’m not cured and i still pine for you.
but less now, infrequent.
distracted by others and acts.
it flows through me now.
this new wind.
my nature has always been to reminisce.
foreign to look ahead.
do it for myself.
rely on myself.
i’ll be whole again.

i’ll finally be me.

encounter

i saw her walking out of my local coffee shop and i couldn’t waste this chance meeting┬áto talk to her. i walked across the street and moved in front of her. she stopped full tilt and took a step back.

“uh..”

“hi. how are you?” i said smiling ear to ear.

her lips squished and her eyebrows raised, “do i know you?” her eyes glancing over me.

“well sort of,” i let out slowly, “you know of me. you actually played me in a short film you made in college.”

a puzzled expression fell over her and she spoke sternly,”right, okay – well i have to go. thanks.” she began walking down the street.

“another time then? i’m around here quite a bit!” i shouted out to her.

she took her phone out of her pocket, dialled and raised it to her head and began talking while walking away, glancing back at me twice before turning onto another side street.

a woman with a small child, who i’m quite sure had witnessed the entire encounter, gave me a queer look and walked by quickly.

“she totally knows me!” i shouted reassuringly to them.

how odd.

 

love sync

i haven’t seen you in weeks
so i decided to walk the streets
to get you off my mind
only for me to find

these

synchronized lovers in the snow
everywhere i go
synchronized lovers in the snow
where do i go

no matter where i look
at the park, near the brook
spread around town
it just puts me down,

seeing the

synchronized lovers in the snow
everywhere i go
synchronized lovers in the snow
where do i go

as i tread back to my home
softly crying alone
i just raise my eyes to see
no one hears my plea

to stop these

synchronized lovers in the snow
everywhere i go
synchronized lovers in the snow
where do i go

synchronized lovers in the snow
everywhere i go
synchronized lovers in the snow
where do i go
far away
far away
from the winter here

turn back

you smoked cigarettes
i never asked why
i just pretended
like i understood
that i didnt mind
the taste of your tounge
afterwards

most things about you
appealed to me
but i suppose
it faded eventually
like your will
or demeanor
never appearence

i played with your hair
as smoke pillowed
filling my eyes
with tears
as you looked me over
intrigued by my distaste
of love

our dynamic
was lust
through and through
we never confused it
we didnt let it dictate us
our blood ran cold
seperated

as i ran through
street lights
in dark nights
momentary lapses
of disbelief and desire
never lead me to turn back
to your side of smoke

or lust

but from time to time it comes up