what about the present day?
you think so little of it now.
scouring memories of the past,
regretting decisions of youth.
what would you really do different?
you don’t know what you do now.
with ambition and naivety,
bound to make mistakes.
when will you stop and look ahead?
things are better now.
knowledge and experience,
make new mistakes – be foolish.
i was there that night.
i didn’t know if you remembered.
i just remember my empty bottle.
and your hands.
i was so smooth.
i didn’t feel rejuvenated.
i just left that to you.
and your skin.
i was confused.
i didn’t know where i was.
i just trusted you.
and your voice.
i was tired.
i didn’t close my eyes.
i just opened my mouth.
and your lips.
i was set.
i didn’t see it.
i just let it happen.
and you soared.
i used to write on the back of receipts.
they crumpled, tore and wore.
i moved onto lined notebook sheets.
they stayed in a pile under a series of drawers.
now i stick to text boxes on-screen.
but sometimes i accidentally hit delete.
it’s not that i don’t want these words to be unseen.
the fact of the matter is that their incomplete.
my words don’t look the same as they did on receipts.
or feel as important as they did on those sheets.
something is lost in translation on-screen.
the fact of the matter is they probably aren’t seen.
im going back to writing on the back of receipts.
but only the things i want to lose – pain and defeats.
can you pinpoint
a time, when
we became lovers?
or remember the smell of
the air, its infectious
the sounds that
surrounded us, filling
our ears with noise.
the dry taste on
your tongue, leaving you
at a loss for words.
the way my skin
shivered, as you dragged
your fingers down my side.
if i could forget
the sight, of you
if all that we shared, were the same colour of eyes and the desire to stand out –
why did we spend so much time arguing over who deserved to succeed?
countless nights where we threw our anger and desires against drywall and kitchen sinks.
the hope we had for each other would be our most unkind defeat.
the languages we spoke, was it really such a stretch we never understood one another –
losing our pride and meaning in translations of middlemen who wanted to see us fall.
for every small cut above we took to show just how much we truly cared.
down to the deepest secrets we told and vowed to hold close to our hearts.
the tell-tale sign when you left the car running –
your belongings in a box outside the side door.
curled up on the kitchen floor.
wishing the mistakes you made,
could be undone.