i kept occupied
with what i thought was important
so after i left the city
you became a second thought
i measured our relationship
by the distance we resided
when i was there
you were the first one
i would talk to
would ask to go out
to share a conversation
to confide in
but i changed
i put my priorities
on my heart
let you get pushed back
every once in a while
i would shoot you a hello
a few times we made plans
few of those times
i showed up
i remember i held back
because i was letting my heart down
even when i was enjoying your company
the funny thing
after my heart broke
i turned to you
confided again
came to the city
but it was short
my heart skipped
i went into old rhythms
i repeated my actions
you stuck around
you were persistent
you weren’t letting me go
so i turned my heart
so i could balance
and when my heart broke again
you were there
i regret my past actions
i wasted so much time
being unhappy
missing out
not being apart of your life
it won’t happen again
i’m sorry for not being a friend
when you needed it most
when i forgot your lover’s names
your birthday parties
the times you needed to confide
i’m sorry
those days are over
i’m in it for the long run
my friend, my brother
till the power goes out


a persistent noise
coming from the window
waking me early
a small rattle
followed by a chirp
i rise begrudgingly
to see yellow feathers
fluttering around
i tap on the glass
the rattle taps back
the vigor of this bird
alludes me
i slide open the window
with the small creature
it looks up at me
a single chirp
before it jumps
flies away
into the rising sun
i yawn
and close the window

allie pt.2

read pt. 1

“you look the same,” she said letting off a quirky smile before reaching for my hand. the small of her palms showing from her oversized coat.

“you look and smell like a strawberry.” i let off a toothy grin as i clasped my hand around hers.

“well you always said i was sweet, so i figured i would play the part.” she came close to my side.

her hand was cold coming out of the apartment, i wondered if her mom had heat. she deserved better, but never had a qualm about living there. in the summer she slept over at my apartment for a solid week. her father lived in the same town as me and they disagreed about the direction her life was going. so she decided it best to escape to me as things cooled down. i didn’t mind her company, however, i knew it would never be permanent.

“where are we heading tonight?” she said looking up to me, her head barley popping out of her coat. “i’m hungry and i want to be entertained,” she mocked in a fancy dialect letting out a petite laugh.

“i figured we could go to that bar off main, they were advertising a live band tonight in the paper.”

“excellent! onward!” she began to pick up speed as we sloshed through the messy city sidewalks.

as we continued down the road, the occasional vehicle would pass by and she would motion to push me onto their coming path before yanking my hand back, getting closer to me each time. i laughed and kissed the top of her forehead. she smiled and rested her head against my arm.

“i should have stayed,” she said.

“at home tonight? why?”

“no, no. at your place. in the summer,” she explained, “we could have stopped time and spent it in the sun and never had to deal with this cold abysmal weather. even the cool breezes during the night were warmer.”

“if only that’s how it worked,” i said with a smile, clutching her hand tighter.

“you did miss me, didn’t you?” she said her lower lip curving and her eyes staring deep into mine.

“of course, why wouldn’t i?”

“just the way things ended, i didn’t mean to offend you -”

“not at all. it’s water under the bridge. i’m here now. that’s all that matters,” i explained.

we fell silent for a small stretch, her hand still clasping mine and her head still against my arm. i began to think of her and the summer. in reality i blamed myself for what transpired. while staying with me for that week she found out her mother had come back into the state and offered to accommodate her. i asked her to stay with me and we could figure out our lives together. but the chance to start fresh somewhere new, away from her father, was too appealing. she packed up within the hour of her mother’s phone call and was gone before the sun went down. my words fell deaf upon her ears. she called me two weeks later to make amends. i’d been in constant contact with her since. hoping i could get her to change her mind.

as we approached main, the street lights shone down upon the snow, reflecting upon the tall commercial buildings and closed storefronts. we saw no other pedestrians as we turned onto the street. the occasional taxi cab flew by, but the sidewalks remained barren.

“i’m glad you came, i’ve been excited to see you again. my mother was surprised you didn’t bail. i told her you weren’t the type of soul to do such a thing. i was right.” she let off a told you so grin to me and kicked off the slush from her shoes. the shoveled sidewalks along main only bearing a small dusting of the falling snow.

“i’m glad you know me so well.”

as we came closer to the bar, the smog in the sky began to shift revealing a crescent moon.

“it’s beautiful,” she said, “it’s so rare to see the sky in this city.” the moon beams shining down on her as she spoke. “how fortunate of us to encounter it.” she let out a smile as she turned to me.

i took her by her sides and kissed her, as the beams began to hide once more, behind the smog.

never turn you away

how shallow do you think i am?
the hollow shell of a man.
lately i’ve been wondering,
what’s even worth pondering?
the times that we had,
be they good or bad.
spending too much time,
thinking of the perfect rhyme.
ain’t no reason for living,
if it’s spent forgiving.
like a cold drink on a hot day,
an exploding star in the milky way,
not thought to be a mainstay.
don’t wanna have my mind in regret,
fashionably late to the show i’ll bet.
keep myself awake at night covered,
waiting for the sun to finally discover,
the missing pieces to be recovered.
my shadow is the only permanent,
never getting into an argument.
i want to see you again,
out in the rain.
leave your truths outside,
with the tears you cried.
this isn’t an apology to you,
it just my heart being true.


back from the dead
sending words to me
after severing links
to push me away
but it’s my heart
that beats faster
in anxiety
my mind goes
into a panic
like a reward
but it’s not
just a letdown
a time remnant
what’s left of
what once was
i wish it would stop
but i have no control
i need to erase you
but i’ve never been
cruel to you
i don’t want to start
even after everything
what you left me with
i can’t change now
it’s uncharacteristic
as time passes
i’m told it gets
a little easier
the timeline
is never given though
so i’ll wait longer
things have to turn up
it’s been like this
for far too long