I didn’t cry
the day my grandfather died
I held back tears
succumbed to my fears
and I just hid away
you know a man so great
just went so late
they took him without pain
they sent him all the same
I still miss him time again
just a lick and a promise
an old college try
all he asked of me
so I did my best
put aside my lack of strength
bite my tongue
and hoped it’d go great
they told me he would be proud
of where I was and how I had found
all of the good above
but I knew he wouldn’t care
he’d just want to take it in
cause the world is a place
that has sin and disgrace
but there’s the few bits of light we find
and I hope that’s where he went
when he took the time to sit
and admire everything around
yeah I guess it might sound sad
and I’m sure things can get bad
but at least I knew him
till the last bit of time
the last breath
she ripped through two cigarettes before donning an expression of realization that she had just inhaled the last bit of smoke she’ll have for the next ten minutes.
“we should go grab a drink, stop and get some more smokes too.” she said slow patting her pockets in her light jacket.
“i don’t really drink much anymore – and i only smoked with my uncle on his deathbed.”
She smirked and looked me over and slowly shook her head back and forth.
“i forgot how much fun you were, you party animal.” she joked.
i nodded and motioned my head down the road, she smiled and put her head down as we began walking.
“so how long are you in town for animal?”
I let out a sighed laugh, “only for a few days. i have to tie up some lose ends and then i’m leaving this town again. hopefully for good this time.”
“you don’t want to come visit me next year and confess your undying love to me?” she put her hands over her heart and smiled like the devil.
“i’ll have to check my calendar – but i’m quite sure i’ll be busy. not that i don’t enjoy these engaging conversations we have.”
as we walked down the street, the bookstore now far off in the distance behind us, a cold pink neon shone across the street side.
the small corner shop had been there since my father was a boy. my sister delivered the local newspaper for years to the store and was quite acquainted with the then shop owner – but it had changed hands several times over the past decade. my sister stopped deliveries in her fourth year after the owner was held up for the sixty two dollars he had in his cash drawer. my father decided my sister needed to have a safer part time job. he still sent me there for the odd item. i would run into a new shady patron every time, i just kept my head down and got out as quickly as possible.
you never told me.
your mouth stayed shut.
not even a whisper of a plea.
the pain stayed in your gut.
you waited till now.
but it was three hearts ago.
you should have known how.
it was partly my fault though.
i was in my own little world.
it worked for me.
but as it furiously twirled,
it kept me free.
you were far away.
to my dismay,
my heart was on post-pone.
i looked at you then.
saw what i wanted.
merely a friend.
it struck me down to see you now.
changed, misplaced, unhappy.
i keep on asking why and how.
but there’s no long play- its quick & snappy.
the real question is-you or me.
a blame on both sides.
who was really the one who was free.
is it still pain we feel inside?
now you are away.
not planets-so to say.
maybe that’s how it should stay.
with me not thinking about you everyday.
ill stay on my planet.
you can live on yours.
until our names are etched in granite,
or we run into each other behind closed doors-
remember the greatest feeling in the world and know it’s not ours.
i met you by the used bookstore near your parents old house. it was early and the sun had yet to fully rise. giving off rays that were barley brighter then moonbeams. no one was around and the lot beside the store only had a broken down school bus. it had been there since the time I saw you last year. only now there were more broken windows and someone spray painted pink floyd lyrics along the side.
you came by with a cigarette hanging from your lips and a small blue top on with denim shorts and your red converse. you spotted me and smirked as you pulled the cigarette out of your mouth and blew smoke making your lips pouty. smiling as you wave the smoke from the front of your face.
“is this were we met last time?” as she looked around, “i thought we met by the pool along first and avalon?”
“no it was here, i can’t say that i’m surprised you don’t remember.”
she titled her head and smiled. she went forward to kiss me and i pulled back for a split second before she put her hand on my collar and pulled me in. I closed my eyes and tasted the cigarette in my mouth. and he warmth. and her hand against me. why am i here?
a small recess
under my ribcage
no persistent beat
slight hum in my ears
smell of decay
warmth in my soul