Month: January 2017

echoes

have my words fallen on deaf ears
my voice becoming an echo
repeating in softer tones

do they exist for me alone
being sent off to none
to come across as mistakes

such little space taken
but measured in time
spans years, decades

did i listen to you then
when i read your words
feeling my core shaken

maybe it is all an attempt
feeble and cheap in appearance
just to resonate with you

it would be foolish to stop now
its become a part of me
like it or not

ill yell at the top of my lungs
in the comfort of my room
only to hope you glance at me for a second

in between

do i need to find it?
who i am.
is that a real thing anymore.

did my happiness depend on you?
yes, it’s why i’m broken now.
my foolish dependence.

was i holding myself back?
being content with mediocrity.
forgoing self-improvement.

moving on, waning off of you.
those feelings hooked onto my skin and soul.
my hands still tremble.
rendered useless by failing emotions.
concerning myself with your well-being.
thinking of you when i should be more concerned with myself.
the blame is on me for the downfall.
but it’s easier to put it on you.
but unfair and unjust.
i hate the feeling of being the cause.
i never looked at the moon and wondered, will it end?
i was confident and ignorant in my bliss.

but i’m slowly coming back to myself.
my creativity pumps in my blood.
rewarded quickly for changes.
it will motivate me – gradually.
i have faith in myself.
i’m not cured and i still pine for you.
but less now, infrequent.
distracted by others and acts.
it flows through me now.
this new wind.
my nature has always been to reminisce.
foreign to look ahead.
do it for myself.
rely on myself.
i’ll be whole again.

i’ll finally be me.

medicine

if you were my medicine
would I forget you at night
if you were my medicine
would we get in a fight
if you were my medicine
would I be alright

could you save me
from myself
could you change me
to someone else
could you fix me
up again

if you were my medicine
would you put me to bed
if you were my medicine
would you get out of my head
if you were my medicine
would I be normal again

could you help me
get better
could you tell me
it will
could you let me
fail

if you were my medicine

infirmity

as the anxiety eats away
overloaded in my place
live another day
see it on my face
fading fast, faster now

my trembling hand
a foriegn failed plan
no way to command
a dated lifespan
going aimlessly, far away

step down below
havent gotten right
take it too slow
see it in a new light
casting shadows, along freely

strings tightly wound
motion for a pass
what can be found
broken bits of glass
puzzle pieces, bleed to succeed

feverishly awaiting the cure for my infirmity

encounter

i saw her walking out of my local coffee shop and i couldn’t waste this chance meeting to talk to her. i walked across the street and moved in front of her. she stopped full tilt and took a step back.

“uh..”

“hi. how are you?” i said smiling ear to ear.

her lips squished and her eyebrows raised, “do i know you?” her eyes glancing over me.

“well sort of,” i let out slowly, “you know of me. you actually played me in a short film you made in college.”

a puzzled expression fell over her and she spoke sternly,”right, okay – well i have to go. thanks.” she began walking down the street.

“another time then? i’m around here quite a bit!” i shouted out to her.

she took her phone out of her pocket, dialled and raised it to her head and began talking while walking away, glancing back at me twice before turning onto another side street.

a woman with a small child, who i’m quite sure had witnessed the entire encounter, gave me a queer look and walked by quickly.

“she totally knows me!” i shouted reassuringly to them.

how odd.