autumn changes

i remember staring at your front door for a few minutes, shaking my head in disbelief over what had just transpired. 

and for the majority of my walk back home i kept my head down, holding back tears. i looked at the aged sidewalks spread with the occasional piece of garbage and cigarette butt. 

but then there were the leaves. 

while i paid no attention to the wind rustling through my worn-in jacket, the fallen leaves were at its mercy. blowing in any direction the wind commanded. in such large groups and with a variety of different colours. 

i gathered myself and looked up higher to the trees that aligned themselves in the foreground of house yards that were shedding off these small distinct pieces. watching the tree even sway to the harsh blows each time the wind beckoned. 

that’s the thing about nature, i suppose. the trees adapt and change to the season and even though they have roots deep below – every now and then they go with the curve of nature, to survive. whether it be the hot summer days, cold detrimental winters, renewing springs or the turnover of autumn – the trees adapt, making the necessary changes to continue on. 

so after all this thinking of nature and the changes that go on in life as well, i kept walking towards home. but this time with my head up, eyes still watering, but accepting change. 

i will never forget that walk home. 

biased memory

youth gave me a bias of my old town. i could draw it out for you with my eyes covered. every street has a memory. but things change. the memories get torn down, the streers get renamed and repaved. the forests along the outskirts get torn down.

i left before i lost more, i couldnt stomach it.

ive stayed indoors in this new town. i dont have memories on streets – i couldnt give you directions. i can hear the town changing – but ill never truly notice. ive stay uninvested in progress and in doing so, ive never become attached to it.

eventually i will leave this town for another – my admiration may or may not follow.

poor elements

i always associated days of rain and cloud coverage with you. maybe because we always met on these dreary days. whether it was rain, hail or the occasional snowfall – the clouds followed you. 

or maybe i have it backwards. it was always me coming to your town. you never visited me. never saw my town or my people. the clouds probably followed me and my anger. 

but then again. your quaint town held my company regardless of the downfall of the sky. your arms wrapped around me. maybe the weather just wanted me to be close – to you. 

young and stupid

i stood right there
in your doorway
while he raised his voice
scolded you again
yeah, it raised the hair
along the back of my neck

but i didn’t move
i just looked at the ground
moved my feet
back and forth
you came down the stairs
with tears in your eyes

i wasn’t prepared
to tell you i had to leave
so you held on tight
to the sleeve of my jacket
so hard it started to tear
my eyes locked to you

you kissed my lips
like they would never
feel this good again
i wanted you to come
back home with me
but you stayed there

look how we ended up
far away
in proximity
in relation
but i remember that night
when we held each other close

if i went up those stairs
things might be different now
if i had raised my voice
maybe your eyes would have been dry
if i had grabbed your hand
maybe you would have stayed by my side

but i failed
i ran away
left you there
i was so many things
i just wish i was more
for you that night

for the better part

i become what i never once was,
a fake face that walks among you.
it was such a great faux pas,
always facing in your view.
laugh at me now,
its what i want and need.
gain me the attention of crowds,
it helps this facade feed.
but the soul inside,
its void.
it hasn’t died,
it wishes to be enjoyed