other side

having trouble finding
what it truly takes
to get you out
stop you
ruining moments
of intimacy
of enjoyment
of freedom
without being present
evermore frustrating
the lack of sleep
toiling hours
of the morning
spent
in cold sweats
reminiscing the past
holding it too highly
your regards
were never given
just assumed
not forgotten
or forgiven
for me to recount
hard to leave alone
what i lacked
control
conscience
concord
held you highly
enough for me
to rely
lose myself
to you i wonder
do i haunt you
holding you back
but i know
otherwise