the freedom that you had, remains in your hand.
though it might look bad, it went how you planned.
a winner in your eyes, a disappointment in your heart.
getting the prize, depends on where it is you start.
so sinking to the bottom, was all that you really did need.
when it becomes autumn, there wil be a day to answer your plead.
though you will regret your choice, the future looks bold.
as you build up your eager voice, you will lose the one you hold.
but the best part i see, is everyone watching you fall (for free).
they all tend to agree, its better then watching anything on t.v.
i become what i never once was,
a fake face that walks among you.
it was such a great faux pas,
always facing in your view.
laugh at me now,
its what i want and need.
gain me the attention of crowds,
it helps this facade feed.
but the soul inside,
it hasn’t died,
it wishes to be enjoyed
i have no idea when it will happen.
when images of fall, rivers and broken parts.
i figure ill be better off not thinking about it.
past is past; depending on futures and presents.
i can make this move my way.
but pushing it west, north or south.
i think it will come to me in a dream.
forthcoming lives, trains and twentys.
i forgot to tell you,
the world doesn’t revolve around me anymore.
but why bother too,
the lack of rotations made it easy for you to ignore.
i’ve fallen back,
it’s my time to watch you head for the lead.
a brilliant attack,
its more than enough to help you succeed.
but i look back,
you had no desire to run ahead a few days past.
you never wanted a plaque,
to hang on the wall and show the difficulties you surpassed.
a simple gesture,
that’s all you ever wanted from everyone and me.
but i guess it’s a pester,
trying to hold up to a standard of a notable degree.
but watching you fall,
it breaks more than the walls of your insides.
it’s easy for me to recall,
all debris eventually goes with the tides.
as you get pushed back to me,
the world creaks and bends-ready to spin.
i don’t think i’ll ever understand what you were thinking. or if you were thinking at all. did you clear your mind and just follow the motions, answering yes to everything that was asked of you. like the scars on you skin didn’t exist. or that you had no other choice.
to say he was eerie would be an understatement. the polaroids he took of obscure scenery in the distance, his trespass on abandoned lots, or the jargon of jokes on death and disability – only solidified his abnormality. what about him ever appealed to you. i still run variables through my mind before setting them aside to continue through the day.
my stomach churned and the back of my throat burned. my brain ached as if it was fighting off a poisonous infection. never had your words put me in such a state. the uncertain grin with your downward set eyes confirmed you understood my feelings. your hair was still tangled and your voice slightly shaken.
i couldn’t feel anger. i was filled with too much disgust and disbelief. the realization set in that you were never going to consider my advice. the distance i felt between us grew further. my own breath getting shorter.
“i’m cool now, right?”
there’s a reason you and i dropped off our respected plains. you collect scars to hide, in hopes they won’t be found. by strangers who won’t ask to see them. who would never care to help you heal. who just want to add to your collection. your misguided treasures of misfortune and misery.
is it lust that leads you – or have you given up your worth. your value. your soul.