love is a word that has a meaning that changes every second of your life.
I didn’t cry
the day my grandfather died
I held back tears
succumbed to my fears
and I just hid away
you know a man so great
just went so late
they took him without pain
they sent him all the same
I still miss him time again
just a lick and a promise
an old college try
all he asked of me
so I did my best
put aside my lack of strength
bite my tongue
and hoped it’d go great
they told me he would be proud
of where I was and how I had found
all of the good above
but I knew he wouldn’t care
he’d just want to take it in
cause the world is a place
that has sin and disgrace
but there’s the few bits of light we find
and I hope that’s where he went
when he took the time to sit
and admire everything around
yeah I guess it might sound sad
and I’m sure things can get bad
but at least I knew him
till the last bit of time
the last breath
i had a dream last night, i rarely ever do.
you came over to my house – it was the first time i saw you in three years.
you still had that uniqueness about you, i envied it.
we went into my room and sat down on the end of my bed.
you had made a movie of your life and you wanted to show me it.
it showed how you lost when you were younger.
it showed the compassion you had for others close to you.
but when it came to us – it was all just fiction.
we were climbing a tree talking about our lives.
it was in a field with no one around us.
the feelings i had for you then stirred inside me as i watched.
after a few minutes of talking with you i fell from the tree,
and the movie went to static.
i looked beside me to see you – but you were gone.
a note was all that sat beside me.
as i grasped it – it ignited.
i woke up.
i don’t know what happened in the dream – i don’t know what happened with us.
all i know for sure is your gone and i’m still here. and i know why.
i had just turned the corner. i left her while she still had stardust in her eyes.
the inside of my car still gave off the warmth that it had been treated to only minutes ago. the thought of opening my window did not strike me, when it did, i thought it best to keep them closed. i enjoyed the warmth more then i would let anyone else know.
the only noise emitting from my car was the gentle hum of the engine and the slight acceleration of the tires on the pavement. it was early morning, but, it felt more like dusk.
if you asked me the moment it happened, i would still say, ‘i have no idea’, but, that is simply the truth. as i turned the corner i began to slow down, regardless of how far my foot pushed the pedal. just as i came into a full curve, small drops of water began to cover me. they gently tapped, giving off a glow as they burst.
the radio emitted noise to every hit of the water. it didn’t irritate me one bit, as the sounds were just the drops of water amplified through my stereo. each with its own distinctive and unique pitch, tone and speed.
as i came around to straighten out, the drops of water slowed down, and with it the sounds being amplified also slowed down becoming quieter. the drops cleared by the time i had finally straightened out. the stereo went quiet again. i pulled over to the side.
the door swung quickly as i burst out. i looked back at the curb. it was completely dry. i gazed on the corner looking for a broken pipe or a sprinkler. just dried up land. the back window still had beads of water follow its curves downward.
my hand pressed against the hood. it was cold with a thin layer of moisture. i opened the door and slid back into my seat. i peered through the back window. the beads still sliding down, i turned the ignition and shifted into drive.
the streetlights flickered, my eyes relaxed and my mind bewildered. i don’t know what i want to believe it. i don’t want to know if i will ever understand it.
peering down the road, a light catches my eye. it grows and reveals its true self. i drive into the awakening sun. the beads disappear as i follow the path and am covered by the strengthening beams.
the last time i saw you, you told me to check my mail and wait for a letter.
by the end of the month all i had ended up with were bills and coupons. and by that time, i guess you had left the country. maybe even fallen of the face of the earth. your friends just gave me shrugs and phone numbers that either rang forever or were disconnected. you were gone.
in the next few months i forgot about you, days went by. and the letter i was waiting for never came. i became a new person by the next year and the year after – i had forgotten your face.
but one day, for some strange reason, it came. it was in disarray. the letter i had waited for. my address was barely legible and the return had just had your name and street. the town and country had bled through the paper. and the note itself was now converted into random spirals and smudges of ink that used to have the answers to all my problems.
for a moment i almost remembered your face. but my memory failed me.
whenever i go to different parts of the world, i check the nearest map and scan for the street. sometimes i find it, but the number is too high and the street is too short.
i figure by now you’ve forgotten me as well. waiting for a response you never got. you could be half way across the world. or just across the city lines. down a street. you could be anywhere.
when i get back home, i’ll take the letter to a flame.
so i can pretend, that you never left and that we both just got lost.
we might find each other again, if we can only remember our existence – together.