bland mountain

i am foreign to you

my face is the same as before
just with years
striking my cheeks

my eyes still shine
when the sun reflects
against the blue

my hands have started to tremble
carrying the weight
of my old failures

my legs have grown weary
walking away
from homes i deserted

but im sure
in a crowd
you’d miss me

for once

i can’t keep up with my breath
it flows in and out and in again
twists my tongue bittersweet
like something you would never believe
but i keep
moving on

lost my soulmate on a dare
i gambled a heart so blatantly
if i knew then what i do now
things would havd been fair
but i keep
moving on

used to live just down the street
so close to the action around
you could jump on the sidewalk
never ever miss a beat
but i keep
moving on

still wait for the longest day
i wake up early with the sun
stay wide-eyed till the dawn
look away a minute, it’s gone
but i keep
moving on

do your memories lie adjacent
to the dreams you once had
curated from magazines
or the loves you never left
overshadowed by the big screen
like whispers on winter’s wind
meant for those who appreciated
being one of the few to be let in
indulgent to the masses
who sold out at the first sign
of controversy and hard times
but kept close to the chest
when the trustee turns wild
pronounce your victories
to praise and contempt
where should you hide them
those memories from back then

looking up from where i’ve fallen
figures obstruct my point of origin
my eyes are heavy from dissolution
after all of the effort i put in
to not be where i am now, anyways

rest assured i have a better plan
let it slide down from my hand
like a welcome letter you never got
from a dedicated soul like yourself
at least in appearnace, anyways

when i reach the bottom of this funk
i can bring you to the top again
once i get my bearings on escaping
this tricky tempermental quicksand
that pushes me farther under, anyways

can’t go past the point regardless
it truly can only be up from here
again where ever that might be
closer to you in anxiety ridden lies
then the leftover change i received, anyways

gifted my own hopes and dreams
for penny thoughts and diaries
of lunatics with mind rotting diseases
that they found the cure for in the twenties
but i can’t afford a lobotomy, anyways

i get lost
from time to time
in the past

i feel my soul drift off
my body stays here
in the now
the air i breathe in
is from the present
but my eye gloss over
i see my memories

autumn evenings
just as dusk settles
i walk you home
we look over one another
but we hold back
as our stomachs ache
i walk to the corner alone

i close my eyes
open again

in the country
at a mansion
we sit on the fireplace
as others play games
on the balcony
overlooking overgrown green
as i confess my admiration
you laugh and run
up the spiral staircase
with a liqour bottle
leaving me with lipstick

i exhale
close my eyes again
open

the snow begins
you’ve been gone
looking into my eyes
you pull back
into your car
you drive around the corner

i blink

fifteen years
this corner hasn’t changed at all

i get lost
from time to time
in the past

but not on this corner
i know where i am here